60 Steps; Seems Like Way Too Much Work.

They have 12 step programs for alcoholics
They have 12 step programs for drug users
They have 12 step programs for gluttons (wait, is weight watchers a 12 step program?)
They have 12 step programs for sex addicts
What I really want to know is, do they have a 12 step program for idiots?

This is really important. I need to know. I am already in need of several 12 step programs. I figure that, while I am at it, I may as well add another 12. Hello, my name is J P R and I am an idiot.

I am at a stoplight. 50 feet past the intersection is another stoplight. As I am talking to friends, I see the light turn green and step on the gas. What is wrong with this you ask? The light in front of me was still red....oops.
I am going down the road, talking to a friend. I stop at the traffic light and receive looks of confusion from my friend. It turns out that stopping at a green light is not proper driving etiquette.
In a conversation that I am having rather emphatically, I slap my hand down on the table while making a point. Unfortunately everybody promptly forgot what I was saying because my finger hit the tines of a fork and sent it flying, spinning through the air just milimeters from my left eyeball.
I frequently lose days of the week.
I was off a whole day for 3 days last week. I have also lost an entire month.

Which brings me to today. I am looking for an idiot recovery program and I need a sponsor. If you would like to be my IA sponsor, please let me know. I would be most grateful.


Funny sidenote:
I had a friend describe my head perfectly. On a digital readout, I might have an IQ of 163 but the 1 flickers on and off....a lot.