Dissecting the Brain of JPR

I am beginning to think that half of my brain is some strange mix of obsessive compulsive, ADHD and freaking retarded. It only seems to operate if specific conditions are met and even then its a crap shoot. If those conditions are not met the stupid thing locks up like a deer in headlights (yes, this is in fact another cliché). Its not like I have to watch Judge Wapner every day at 3:00 and I definitely do not buy my underwear at K-Mart, BUT, I definitely do have a ton of pain in the ass quirks.

Problems with the brain of jpr:

- When I am trying to explain something I HAVE to have a pen or pencil in my hand. No pencil and I lose half of my brain cells to thinking about the fact that there is no pencil in my hand.

- When taking a test, lined paper is a must. No lined paper and the brain loses any capability for linear thought. If a cop asked my brain to walk a linear thought with no lined paper, my brain would end up in jail for public intoxication (did that make any sense at all?).

- When someone is giving me instructions verbally I tend to remember what they were wearing and what they looked like but not anything that they say. Things tend to go as follows: 99% of my brain --> "Look! Glasses, and a BLUE sweater...and check out that piece of lint on the left shoulder....cooool" The other 1% --> "For the love of god, turn on the ears!"

Things get really dicey when caffeine is added. If my brain gets ANY caffeine, it gets going way too fast and the wheels come off the track. Here is my written interpretation: idea.... ........idea.... ......idea....idea..idea.idea.ide..idea.ide.ai..dead. At this point 99% of my brain cells start drooling on themselves and the other 1% are bug-eyed and screaming, "For the love of god, why aren't you working!" Oh, and I should mention that half of the ideas aren't even that good to begin with.

Really, when it comes down to it, my brain cells are probably allocated as follows:

Brain cells focused on girls: 50%

Brain cells focused on food acquisition: 20%

Brain cells that just drool: 20%

Brain cells that buzz around like a hummingbird looking for sugar: 10%

Brain cells that can actually walk a straight line: 5%

Brain cells focused on Math: 1%

Brain cells that actually file tax returns on time: still hiring

So there you have it, thats my brain in a nutshell (and amazingly, it fits).