Deaf, Dumb and Mute

OK. So Im not really deaf...there is a slight ringing though.

Last night officially ended the two week birthday extravaganza and right now I am having a mini party in my head celebrating the fact that I am no longer celebrating anything. While I am enjoying my party of one, here is a synopsis of the idiocy.

A 12 step process to officially becoming Deaf Dumb and Mute
1) Celebrate your milestone birthday for 2 weeks...start on a Tuesday.
2) On each night you are out yell/sing at the top of your lungs. I suggest the following:
- ADD IT UP, Violent Femmes (I especially like the part where you get to yell everybody's favorite expletive...not "smurf")
- TNT, AC/DC (Who doesn't like yelling "oy!"?)
- BLACK BETTY
- MOTHER, Danzig
- WONDERWALL, Oasis
- WHITE WEDDING, Billy Idol (I suggest using a megaphone while yelling at the top of your lungs...I did. The way I see it, if you are going to be a mute, everyone else may as well be deaf)
3) Let the other loud and obnoxious person in the group have the megaphone.
4) Drink a brass monkey (I am not sure if the ringing in my ears is from the megaphone feedback 2 inches from my head or if it is from the brass monkey)
5) Drink a Seven Sees in a triple shot glass (about the brass monkey...its better than a triple Seven Sees)
6) Wish I remembered.
7) See 6)
8) See 7)
9) I think this step involved getting kissed by 4 hot girls, a biker chick AND THE BIKER. I have to go vomit (If I see the picture I may have to gouge my eyes out. Actually scratch that, the title is just deaf dumb and mute, isn't that enough?).
10) After you have finished steps 7, 8 and 9 it is time to wander aimlessly while avoiding "friends" who have more alcohol. FYI, this doesn't actually facilitate the process of becoming deaf, dumb and mute. It does however keep you alive so that you can enjoy being deaf, dumb and mute.
11) Now that your liver has had time to cure (not in the healing sense of the word), go back to the bar.
12) If you aren't drooling by now, try curling up in bed with a nice fatty bottle of champagne. When you wake up in the morning it will make some fine mimosas.

By the way, while wandering aimlessly outside of the bar I met a cute girl. I hope she likes "special" people.